Have you ever felt like you struggled to be human and that no matter how much you tried, you didn’t fit in anywhere?

If the answer is yes, nothing was wrong with you. You didn’t fit in in your environment for a reason. It might feel like a curse, but it was a gift.

The problem is not that you don’t know how to be human. Being human is a subjective experience- you see the world through your conditioning. Your beliefs and values passed on from generation to generation shape your reality.

And ‘fitting in’ means fully embracing the beliefs and values of the culture you were born into. It means you do what others do, sometimes unconsciously, without questioning anything. You accept things at face value without wondering if they make sense or if you genuinely want to do something.

‘Normal’ is just another term for conforming to cultural standards. Most people (the ones considered neurotypical) don’t question these standards. They accept and pass on to their children the narratives and beliefs that come with these perceptions told by their family, religion, education systems, etc.

People like you who don’t fit in (considered neurodivergent- I include HSPs here as well) have something inside of them that stops them from being fully conditioned by their environment. Like an inner mechanism that serves as an anchor and keeps you connected to your true self even when the world tries to turn you into something you are not. Or when you try to be something you are not.

This inner mechanism is in your soul and your body. Because your mind was built differently: more curious, needing direct experience to understand and accept something, likes to go deeper, feels drawn to the new and exciting, and questions everything. It drives you to understand the WHY behind everything and dislike doing something for the sake of it. ‘Because this is how we always did things here’ is a sentence that makes no sense to you when you see better perspectives with ease.

You didn’t fit in because your mind stopped you from fully conforming, and you saw the incongruences in the world around you- in people, situations, and systems. That is a gift.

You are not supposed to fit in. You are supposed to stand out as your true self.

But standing out is hard to do when you become conditioned as well. Being different and trying to fit in in the wrong place is like the story of the ugly duckling- you were not a duck; you were a swan raised by ducks. A swan is not better or worse than a duck, only another type of bird with different qualities and abilities. If the environment you were born in had no idea what you were and what your true self looked like, it made you fit into their idea of normal. It made you believe you were a duck instead of helping you to fully step into being a swan. It made you feel that something was wrong with you- teaching you (consciously or unconsciously) to stay small and limited.

With every painful experience, your true self was buried deeper and deeper. But because of the anchor, it always managed to break free in one way or another, maybe in distorted ways. Your true self knows you are a swan and wants to experience what that looks and feels like.

The beauty of our neurodiversity lies in the various ways we perceive life. Like nature, which we are a part of, we need diversity to survive, thrive and evolve. Every life experience is unique and brings a new understanding of our humanness, opening a different exploration of our limitless potential.

You are supposed to fit in, but only when you stand out. You were born with a purpose- your unique perception is a piece of the big world puzzle. Without it, the picture is not just incomplete but also limited. But for your piece to fit in the right place, it has to be the shape and colour intended to be, true to itself.